The joy of nothing

Once in a year or so I rant about how technology is taking over our lives and we are becoming have become a slave to machines. In fact, reading one of my old posts makes me feel like a broken tape recorder. However the time has come to remind the world, once again, about the joy of nothingness.

Remember the phrase "staring into space"? Whatever happened to that? Right now one would probably say "staring into his/her phone to avoid awkward moments". Or to pass time. Or whatever. But staring into space is amazing. I don't have any statistics to back me up - but you can trust me on this.  I stare at a screen for around 10-12 hours a day. How can society except me to be strong and do the same the other precious few hours I have?

Anytime I am not looking at a screen (shoo, not now) - I pounce on it with the eagerness of a hungry rabbit. In this world, doing nothing has become an art. One needs to attend meditation classes or "go outside" to learn it. Bull shit I assure you. Every time you feel the need to do something that involves you looking zombie-like at a screen - shake your head vigorously, turn away, pick an object...stare at it until your mind goes blank -  and enjoy the beauty of nothingness. I have heard it is not easy - but what do you have to lose? Nothing.

Long ago, when the Indian subcontinent was full of bustling kingdoms and zillions of gods were competing with one another... one prince had had enough and decided to "fuck it all". This was none other than Buddha who in modern times has become the universal symbol of simplicity and nothingness. The fact that there is even a religion that advocates this idea clinches the deal. What more do you need?

Log out. And do nothing.



Notes
1. I have recently learnt that there exists a term for one who is skeptical of modern technology - a neo-luddite
2. The Buddha reference was randomly inserted.
3. Yes, I wrote this using a computer. Also duly shared on all the internets.
4. If you are desperate read How to Do Nothing
5. Do log back in to comment #hypocrisy

Rig Veda to Particle Physics

Recently there was a news story going around about a physicist named Vivek Sharma who is part of the international group hunting for the Higgs boson. The story mentions that one of Vivek's inspirations was a Rig Veda hymn that talked about the origin of the universe. I smiled to myself when I read that.

Here is what I think may have inspired him

In the beginning,
There was neither Being nor Non-being
Neither sky, earth, nor what is beyond and beneath. 
What existed? For whom? 
Was there water? 
Death, immortality? 
Night, day? 
Whatever there was, there must have been one
The primal one 
Self-created, self-sustained, by his own heat,
Unaware of himself
Until there was desire to know himself.
That desire is the first seed of the mind, say seers
Binding Non-Being with Being.
What was above and what was below?
Seed or soil?
Who knows?
Who really knows?
Even the gods came later.
Perhaps only the primal being knows.
Perhaps not.

I have taken these lines verbatim from Devdutt Pattanaik's "mithya" - a collection of Hindu mythological stories - quite fun to read. This verse is a translation from the original Rig veda which was written in Sanskrit. I am pretty sure this would leave an impression on most of us - knowing that this verse is probably more than 3000 years old. The fact that men were thinking about the origin of the universe so long ago makes me feel warm inside. The sheer number of ways this could be interpreted blows my mind.

A news story like this one often leads to some common opinions. Some might say this is a sign of how advanced Indian civilization was in those times. Some might lament about its relevance in the current state of affairs in India. Some may use it push their own propaganda. Some may wonder how this influenced other Hindu philosophies.

I fix myself a drink. And immerse myself into the wonder this universe is. Some day...we just might know the answers to Life, the Universe and Everything.



Additional information

• Vivek Sharma is a Professor of Physics at UC, San Diego
• Devdutt Pattanaik is a mythologist and author

Symbiosis

The Moshichuna division of the army was riding to the battlefield. It was pouring in cartloads. The men were brimming with enthusiasm, having had an uneventful ride all the way from home. The Captain had the most magnificent mare, but of course. Her hair glistened in the rain and when she galloped in the forest the trees parted away for her.


 A young soldier, named Ougamugu, was having visions of himself in a death metal band. Each gallop of his horse was in sync with an insanely fast guitar riff. It was his first trip outside his town. His veins throbbed with youthful zeal and his mother's blessings. 


The Captain inspected his division and felt appropriately arrogant. He was leading some of the finest men in the country and was confident of a victory. It was to be his last battle.


As they entered the forest, Ougamugu burst into song. 





aMamui was laughing to herself. She knew she was getting old.  Her legs were not as nimble as they used to be. But she didn't mind. Her life was, as she recited frequently to her peers,  full of surprises. 
She knew that it was the Captain's last time out. She knew that he knew too. 


Neehaw and Neehui were singing and making a general ruckus. They knew the gods had ordained this night. It was prophesied that one who died in battle went straight to horse heaven. Having feasted on some fresh hay at the morning camp they were jubilant. 


"Men are so stupid man! They think they rule us lol", neighed Neehaw. 
"Hahaha lol rofl!", neighed Neehui, throwing his head up in the air. "I love me some rain!".

And then they sang the "We are the champions" chorus the umpteenth time.  

5 ways to write a post titled 'X ways to do...'

You have seen and read these posts all along. They have a title that says something similar to '5 ways to to climb Mount Everest' and you think to yourself, 'Hey! Now thats something I have always wanted to do!' Yeah right. The minute you see a number in the beginning of the title you just have to read it. Every time you finish reading such an article you take an oath never to fall prey to such stupid marketing techniques ever again. And the very next day you are reading 6 Terrifying Ways Crows Are Way Smarter Than You Think. Do not despair, for I am part of the very same crowd. And today, I am going to describe 5 ways to write such an article.

1. The value that X takes in 'X ways to do...' is of utmost importance. Statisticians have spent copious amounts of NSF funds trying to find that elusive sweet spot which would send the most number of morons on the internet to your site. The most common ones use 5 or 10 - a nice whole number which everyone knows about. 5 fingers on each hand. Counting to ten, anyone? Then there are those who choose numbers related to time periods - 7 (days), 24(hours), 30(days in a month), 365(days in a year) and so on. And finally there are those who truly stand out by using prime numbers! 
2. What do you write about? The crux of the matter at hand. Technology, politics, love, movies, sports - it could be any of the mundane things on this planet. Maybe you had that epic nirvana moment when you felt you fully understood something? You could talk about that. Exactly what I am doing right now
3. Pick a verb. It has to be one. 'X ways to...' could be followed by do, have, kick, kiss, spoof, run, anything you want - as long as it is a verb.
4. Do some background research. Has someone already blogged about your chosen topic? How best can you put that person down? Go for it!
5. If you are reading this last step, you are one of the chosen few who will live be interested to witness Dagor Dagorath. The last 'way' in any such article is filled with so much BS even the author gets repulsed when he/she rereads it. 

The above ways are intended to launch a new wave of 'Y ways to write a post titled 'X ways to do...'' articles. The day the internet ends will be the day bloggers hit a recursion stack overflow error. And that day is Dagor Dagorath.

Cheers.

UCSB Ducks lend a hand to Tulsa

I had a chance to interview the UCSB ducks this time (they were last featured here) about the upcoming controversy surrounding the recent mass genocide of blackbirds in Arkansas. Featured in the picture are the Guy duck and the Girl duck.

Guy duck: The problem with our society is that ducks are too lazy - they are too complacent and don't want to speak up. When was the last time you heard about ducks revolting eh?
Me: Being from California, an environment-friendly state, aren't you much better off than your cousins in the deep south?
Girl duck: More rights does not mean better rights. Look at Bahrain. Ducks had free healthcare there and they are still protesting.
Me: Hmmm...you do have a point....
Guy duck: The problem with you humans is that you think you are so clever...we have been in America way longer and we know better
Girl duck: Hmmph. You couldn't even catch that fish I wanted.
Guy duck: yaaaaaaawn. Boring.
Me: So do you think its right to be paranoid in this situation? What do ducks think about Obama?
Guy duck: Hope rulz man! We voted for him in '08. Still waiting for my bills to be cleaned off though.
Girl duck: Ducks gotta change with the times too. The internet is great - hella lot of nice quackers at dukkit you know...but you know what, I think the mallard is a perpetrator too....
Me: What do you mean?
Girl duck: He is one of those guys who stays in the news by dropping bombshells all the time...do you think the CIA cares enough about birds to go around killing them? We ducks ain't that stupid!
Me: That was pretty insightful. Do you have a final word to say to the world?
Guy and Girl duck, together: Ducks of all lands, unite! QUACK!

In case you have no clue what this post was about, read this

Avenue of the Giants!

So last week me and Fahad made a road trip to the Avenue of the Giants. Neither wikipedia nor any photographs can do any justice to this place  - it has to be seen to be believed.

         What is it? The Avenue of the Giants is an avenue through the Redwood forest in Northern California. Redwood trees are some of the tallest trees in the world and there are many trees here that are taller than 100m. The forests are around 270 miles north of the Bay Area and our plan was to go and come back in a day.  The avenue is around 32 miles long and used to be part of US 101 in some bygone era.

          We headed out around 7 AM in the morning from Sunnyvale (30 miles south of San Francisco). We were going to have coffee near the Golden Gate bridge but armed with my amazing driving skills, I missed an exit and we had to scout for the nearest coffee shop. Lo behold, we ended up in a beautiful town called Sausalito right on the banks of the bay! Just the road down there is breathtaking and we ended up having breakfast right near the water. We felt like we had landed in a quaint old village, untarnished and untouched by mankind. You cannot believe this place is 20 minutes from Downtown San Francisco! It is the ideal location to have breakfast on a Sunday morning.

         Having had a satisfying breakfast we set off again. After a long drive with more coffee stops we reached this town called Miranda on the Avenue of the Giants. Google had suggested a place called Avenue Cafe here and to our chagrin they were closed. Their timings for Sunday was 9am - 1pm (weird) and we reached around 1.30. The gas station there looked like it had stopped working in 1950. Talk about bad luck. Not seeing any tall trees pissed us off more and we took off again, scouting for gas stations. And suddenly the trees grew taller and broader.

          Oh my god, the trees were so big we couldn't believe our eyes! You have to actually see them to believe. There was a river running through the forest which we would spot from time to time, sometimes going over it on a bridge. The road is crazy narrow and curvy and half the time I was scared I was going to bash into a huge tree! These trees are so big they can hold probably 2 cars side by side. We went past the avenue to a town called Rio Dell to buy gas and get some lunch. I had one of the best burritos in my life there - maybe cos I was hungry - but it was homely too. And then we came back, replenished with fuel for both the car and ourselves, and hit the Avenue again. We had an hour of sunlight left and made the best of it. Near the town Miranda, there is a drive through tree - a tree so broad you can drive your car through it! This was so crazy we did it twice!

       After taking some customary snaps with the trees, and a few crazy videos, we started out for home around 5 pm. After an exhausting drive we reached home around 10 pm and promptly crashed.

       So to summarize, we covered almost 600 miles in one day, saw some really tall trees and had fun. Crazy, eh?!

Afterword
The photos are on Facebook (yes, we HAD to take some)
Shall upload the videos soon.

Here is a sample!

When Jhumpa Lahiri came to UCSB

On October 13, Jhumpa Lahiri came to UCSB to give a talk. Having read most of her books, I decided to go. I was surprised to see the hall fully occupied with well dressed people, while I plodded my way through with my huge bag and scruffy beard. I managed to reach my allotted spot without stepping on anyone's toes, patted myself on the back and observed my surroundings. There were a lot of old people - I even saw a few ladies who looked like Charlie's mom from Two and a Half Men. There was a buzz in the air as everyone waited for Jhumpa. A couple of people introduced her, one of them providing a short biography.

                And then she came. She read out one of the stories from "The Unaccustomed Earth". The story, "Once in a Lifetime" is written from the POV of a young bengali girl in New Jersey. You would have read it if you were a fan, I guess. Am I a fan of Jhumpa Lahiri? I still do not know. I have read her books but most of her stories left me feeling weird and kind of empty inside. So when Jhumpa was done with her reading, we had a QA session. She came out as very aloof, cold and unwilling to talk more than required. She never smiled or made jokes. No sarcasm. A lady asked her why her stories were so negative and, if Jhumpa had heard about positive psychology. I know, lol. Jhumpa said she wanted to write more about the realities in life and interpersonal relationships, etc. Someone asked her what she thought when people reviewed her work. She replied saying that she never cared for other people's opinions of her work, and that she was very private and felt uncomfortable in public situations, like the one she was in right then! That sounded brutally honest, though it made me think - why does she have these "readings" at all? Weird!
            
                I had a couple of questions I wanted to ask but I was in two minds whether to go ahead or not - and finally decided not to. I am not sure whether I was scared or I felt I would be intruding on her "space"! (I am pretty sure she is NOT going to read this!). Her mannerisms were not unlike that of an ice cold evil queen ordering her minions of orcs to bring down all of mankind. Maybe that was too harsh? But then she said the authors who inspired her were Thomas Hardy and Leo Tolstoy. Gulp. Now we know why!

                Puns aside you can give Jhumpa Lahiri a try. Especially if you want to know about how Bengalis feel when they move to the US from India and how they miss Calcutta and how their kids don't really like India and blah. Even though I will bracket her in the NRI category of Indian authors, I would say she isn't half as bad as the others - especially the ones who are in a race to inform the world how screwed up India is (don't we all know that already? Ho hum.)